The writer’s revision of the original paragraph below demonstrates which one of the following? Original: During our monthly meet
ing last month, we all came to the conclusion that overtime procedures are inadequate and that new procedures need to be initiated. I discussed this problem with our chief accountant, who was sympathetic and agreed to consider any changes we would like to make to the present procedures. Please bring your suggested changes to this month’s departmental meeting scheduled for 2:30 p.m. next Wednesday afternoon. Revision: During last month’s meeting, we concluded that our overtime procedures need revision. Our chief accountant has agreed to consider any changes we would like to make to the present procedures. Please bring your suggested changes to this month’s departmental meeting scheduled for 2:30 p.m. next Wednesday.
Even though this question is missing the options, after analyzing the revision we can safely say it was made for <u>conciseness</u>.
Explanation:
Conciseness can be simply defined as saying a lot in just a few words. Notice how the original paragraph is much longer than the revised one. The writer gave much more information than what was truly necessary. Details such as "and that new procedures need to be initiated" and "who was sympathetic" are superfluous. The first one adds nothing of value. If the procedures are inadequate, it is quite obvious that new ones need to be initiated. Readers could infer that. The second one is permeated with subjectivity, not only making the paragraph longer, but also stating an opinion that in uncalled for in this context. By eliminating the extra words, the writer made the paragraph concise, using fewer words to express the necessary.
