Answer:
- The simple sentences should be balanced with more complex ones.
- Slang terms should be removed
A. Use a writing round to generate more ideas about additional details to include that will embellish your writing.
My mother, whom I love dearly, came to my show and cheered for me.
Jake, brave, pitiful, and older than his years, gazed down at his starving family. His mother had passed on a few months ago, and her dying wish was that the family stay together. Jake knew the foster system; it was unlikely that they could all stay together, especially with his track record with the law. Yet, he knew that they would not survive long without more food and money. He felt torn between fulfilling his promise to his mother and that other promise he made, the promise to himself. He had vowed to change his life when his mother was diagnosed with cancer. Stealing would fulfill her promise (as long as he didn't get caught) but break the promise to himself that made him a new man. This new man cared for his siblings; what would happen to his family if he became a thief?
Hope I Helped!
