Question

In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Please use correct spelling and grammar.
Playing in the snow is one of my happiest childhood memories. The winter offers more than a time for kids to have fun. There are many things to do in the snow. It is unfortunate that so many people find the wintertime annoying. More people should step outside to enjoy the snow. I am glad I grew up where it snows.

Answer 1

Answer:

Explanation:

Playing in the snow seems to be part of many childhood memories. As it happens, it was also part of mine. When it snows during the winter, it provides an opportunity for children to have fun, from building a snowman to making snow angels and even snowball fights. It truly is unfortunate that some people are adverse to this wonderful pastime and I believe that they should take advantage of this annual occurrence. Memories of playing in the snow really brighten my day and for that, I am really grateful.

You could have listed some examples. You could also use more mature diction and connected some sentences to create a varying length of sentences.

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