I don't know a lot about papers but for examples, the sentence that says "Then after Lily died, he stepped over James dead body and left her traumatized son in his crib and just clutched Lily’s dead body."
The word JAMES should have an apostrophe.
James's
"Severus Snape is not a good person and Harry really needs to rename his child. "
Instead of saying good try something like "pleasurable" or "delightful"
