Question

Critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved.

Answer 1

Use a bit more imagery, it takes the reader to the town where you grew up. describe how cold it is, how the sun makes the snowflakes sparkle  when they fall.

Answer 2

"in the snow *was one of.."
"offers more *then a time for *children to have fun.."
"to do in the winter now and it's unfortunate.."
"..find the wintertime unpleasant"
"should *go outside and enjoy.."
"I am glad I grew up where it snows"
I recommend these changes as well as limiting the number of times you say snow and replace it with a different word, as well as using more descriptive adjectives