OVERALL GRADE: 3 ; too many grammar mistakes.
FEEDBACK/"FIXES":
<em>Hook:</em> Change it to: "Breakfast, anyone? How about more sleep and better grades? These seem appealing, right? These are just a few benefits of school convening later in the day."
<em>Claim/Thesis:</em> Change it to: "The school day should begin at 9:45 AM because it would allow students additional time to prepare for their school day; they would be better rested, perform better, and engage more in physical activities."
<em>Evidence/Reasoning #1:</em> Change it to: "After all, students' brains are still asleep when it's early in the morning. Schools that start at 9:00 AM or later allow students the opportunity to get the recommended amount of sleep [8.5 - 9.5 hours.]"
Okay I have to go now but I hope what I provided helps.
A planned pause in a speech may be used as a -
a non verbal transition
As non verbal transition is basically bring a break i.e pause to the voice.
brainly.com/question/3743745
#SPJ4
Answer:
I would change "Martin's and his family" to "Martin and his family's" and "his family" doesn't need to be in parentheses.
I would change the first commentary sectence to "Martin's Grandfather speaks in sioux which is his native language." and go into futher explanation on what he "knows". It's kind of a cliff hanger.
For the second commentary sentence, you should make sure to mention who's grandfather you're talking about if they are multiple in the story. Also I would change the sentence to "The grandfather exhibits his culture while wearing traditional clothing. The traditional clothing is typically worn by people of his tribe."
For the last commentary sentence, I would change it to "The quote states that the males in the family still follow traditions because it will eventually be passed down through generations.
Explanation: