So what would be the question you are asking? if you're asking how to hook a reader in your intro start with an onomatopoeia or something like: On a dark and stormy night Elle Mist sat in the corner of her room crying wondering when her parents would come home.
I mean I’ll tell you something but it’s good to stand up to bullies so no more get hurt
Completely unrelated, but that is a great sentence, I want that painted as a quote on my wall.
Also, the punctiation seems right to me. But you might be able to use a ";" instead of a comma, im gonna check that real quick.
