Gordon should revise sentence 1 to provide specific details about what "struck" him as he first entered the room.
Explanation:
Gordon gave a personal narrative essay on his dream of becoming a chef, the steps he took towards achieving that such as watching his parents cook while he was a kid and his next course of action to make his dream come through by attending cooking lessons.
While narrating his first day of his cooking lessons, he said he was really struck by what he saw when he first entered the room but provided no further explanation as to what struck him when he entered the room.
Hence Gordon needs to revise that to make it more precise.
