Honest Feedback 1. In the beginning of the extract, one or more sentences began with 'And' - no sentence should start with 'and', 'because' or 'or'. 2. You said 'are' instead of 'our' in two places or more. 3. My siblings and I, not me and my siblings. 4. Try to use more imaginative vocabulary and descriptive imagery. 5. Avoid repeating words such as 'So' or 'I'. 6. "<span>my somehow my little sister got the keys and hid them" </span>7. The vocabulary you have used is informal and to really add the 'wow' factor, try using more sophisticated language. The plot and story line is clear, maybe a bit too basic. Try to describe your surroundings more, experiment with different sentence types and (as previously mentioned) go for language of a higher standard. :)