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3 years ago

MARKING BRAINLIEST WHEN I CAN! 30 POINTS!!

English

1 answer:

german3 years ago

8 0

Here are my suggestions on what you should edit:

Should cigarettes be illegal? Smoking can cause lung cancer, strokes, and many other diseases. Diseases caused from smoking are one of the most preventable in the US. In the States, more than 480,000 deaths occur a year due to smoking related illnesses. Smoking should be made illegal to protect our health.

I changed it up because you need more variety in your diction (wording), and also the phrasing could be slightly improved. When you wrote "In the US, more than 480,000 deaths occur a year due to cigarettes" the phrasing didn't make much sense. You don't die from a cigarette. You die from diseases that are caused from regular smoking.

Hope this helped!

~Just a girl in love with Shawn Mendes

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