Okay so I read over it and it need some adjustments. There are spelling mistakes, over usage of words, and a lot of evidence. I will list why I chose these things below:
Spelling mistakes: In the sentence, “ Women are Getting paid way less than men,” that g is capital when it doesn’t need to be. Also, in a few other sentences husband is starts with a capital when it shouldn’t.
Over usage of words: You used the word “women” a lot throughout the feature. Using one word over and over is not good, it pops up a lot. In other words, say someone was scanning over your report and they saw “women” a lot throughout the report. They would use interest because of the over usage of the word. Now, it may be because of the abundance of evidence and support, but I will get into that in a sec. In summary, you shouldn’t use one word a lot throughout any passage… mix it up a little, I understand your topic, but try to replace it a little.
A lot of evidence: There is an over abundance of evidence throughout the report, it makes it really hard to get through because it is long. Also side note, some of your evidence does not include a source, where you got the evidence from, you don’t want your reader to think your plagiarizing another persons idea and thoughts. Anyway, it’s a lot so evidence, it’s all supporting the same topic but it’s a lot of it! Maybe try to sum it up to at least 4 supporting details WITH a source.
Overall, I think that it is really good and you seem passionate about your topic. Only little tweaks, you should read over it to correct those little spelling errors, tidy it up and ORGANIZE your evidence. Try to shorten it a bit and replace the word “women” a little throughout the passage. Other than those tips I think you are good! It a great topic and I wish you the best of luck!
Hope this helped, have a great day!! :D
