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zepelin [54]
3 years ago
14

How does this sound?

History
1 answer:
kifflom [539]3 years ago
4 0

Answer:

I'd say you did a very fine job! You have a nice balance of description and facts.

The sentence "Well, they aren't that good" needs work, and could be changed, especially the phrase "aren't that good" seems quite passive.

You've used "a lot" repetitively, consider changing to "many" in the conclusion sentence.

Other than that its wonderful! Fix up tiny things and you should be very proud to turn that in.

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