Question

What is wrong with the following thesis statement? This essay is about volunteering at the local dog shelter.

Answer 1

First it needs more detail.

Tell what you are gonna be doing at the dog shelter.

You need 3 things to do for the body of the paragraph. 

You could feed the dogs, give them a bath, and give them their medicine. 

Answer 2

When writing a thesis statement, you always want to describe what you are going to be writing about, not simply what the essay is about. You never want to write "This essay", "My paper", etc as your thesis statement. Your reader knows that they're reading an essay, they're the ones that choose to read it! If you are writing three body paragraphs, you want to include your three arguments or statements that you will be discussing in those body paragraphs. For example, you could write: "Volunteering at an animal shelter helps animals by feeding, spaying, and finding new homes for neglected pets." In your paragraphs you would then discuss things like how much it costs to feed so many animals, how a shelter runs, how a vet must come and neuter the animals, and how other people can help by adopting shelter pets. You are able to be imaginative with this, it's just your thesis statement that is a guild for what you are writing about. Some people will leave writing their thesis last once they have written their other parts to their essay since it helps them not to be held down by their thesis. Usually a thesis will have to be written and rewritten several times to get it just right.