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Blababa [14]
3 years ago
8

I’m writing a story and I want to know what you think. This is what I have so far. Sorry it’s long, but if you have time please

read it and give me honest feedback. Feel free to leave any suggestions below. :)
“ “Two coffees please” It’s Sunday morning and I’m going through the drive through of my favorite coffee place. This is pretty much a daily routine, I always have to grab two coffees. One for me and one for my best friend Ava. Today is my last day of freedom before school starts tomorrow. I am not excited at all. Tomorrow will start my sophomore year of college. The lady at the window hands me my drinks and off I go. I’m driving down the road and suddenly someone walks right out into the street. I slam on my breaks and the coffee spills everywhere. Great. There is no way this person is getting away with this. I park the car on the side of the street and run up to the guy. He doesn’t even acknowledge me. Fine, he wants to play that game? “Hello! Watch it!” I scream at him. He looks over at me and says, “Sorry sunflower, I’m not interested. And are you aware that you have coffee all over your clothes?” What? I’m just going to ignore the coffee comment. “Do not call me sunflower! And trust me, I’m not into guys like you.” He glares at me. “Guys like me?” “You know annoying, arrogant guys who think everything revolves around them.” He ignores my sassy comment and askes, “What do you want?” I smile knowing that I clearly won our little trash talk battle. “What do I want? Excuse me, you just ran in front of my car and made me spill my coffee!” “You’re excused sunflower” Ugh! This guy is getting on my nerves! “Aren’t you going to apologize for running in front of me?” I already know the answer, but I am not leaving until he pays for my coffee. Trust me, he’s paying. He looks at me again, this time I actually get a good look at him. He is very tall with black hair and bright green eyes. He’d definitely be cute if it weren’t for that awful attitude. Finally he says, “Why would I apologize, it ain’t my fault you spilled coffee, that’s called clumsiness sunflower.” What is his problem? “What’s with your obsession with sunflowers?” I ask him. He gives me a death stare. If looks could kill, I’d be dead right now. I definitely made him mad. Mission accomplished. He stares at me for a minute before I finally say, “Ok well if you aren’t going to say anything, I will. Give me your wallet.” He starts laughing, now it’s my turn to give the death stare. “Why in the world would I give you my wallet?” “You spilled my coffee and I’m not paying for more so come on. I need five bucks dude.” He stands there with an angry look on his face for the longest time. Finally, he pulls out his wallet and hands me five bucks. Wow, I thought I’d have to argue with him more. I take the money and say, “Why thank you.” He glares at me once again. I’m starting to think this dude doesn’t know how to smile. “Don’t think I actually like you sunflower, I only gave you that to make you go away.” This sunflower nickname is getting super annoying, good thing I’ll never have to see him again after this. I reply, “Whatever pretty boy.” I turn around and walk back to my car. I didn’t turn back to look at him, but I can feel he hates the fact that I just called him pretty boy. Good. It’s as stupid as the name sunflower. I get into my car and drive away. As I drive by I glance over at pretty boy once more. You guessed it, he’s still standing there with his classic angry glare.”
English
2 answers:
ira [324]3 years ago
8 0

Answer:

I think for starters its pretty good.

Explanation:

If you write more, I would love to read if you add on to this. Would love to see where thia goes!

Alex Ar [27]3 years ago
8 0

Answer:

ik you posted this a while ago but I just read it and really like it.

Explanation:

im about to go read this on wattpad!

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Can someone please help me with this?
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First try to organize the structure of the story so that it is clear for yourself, using perhaps the same one in the requisites of the exercise.

This first piece of advice can be used to any of the elements of the story that you may be preparing: <em>detail everything to the point that you feel you can write the story off them</em>. This can change mid story, or you can come up with different or more ideas, but its good to have a solid ground so your stories can take off safely.

The first requisite is to set up the story, so define in general lines each of the details listed in the exposition paragraph. To make matters easier, it's preferable that the problem or drama central to the story is defined at the very beggining, even before the setting and characters themselves are defined. This is because it's easier to "move" the storylines to the direction you'd want them to go, when you know where it is supposed to go.

<em>The basic plot structure is the way to go here: start with a conflict or situation, put your characters in contact directly or indirectly with it, put obstacles in their way and lastly put a resolution to the conflict. </em>

The story need to have multiple lines, so define really well how each detail interact with each other before you start. This a short story, so maybe its better for you to use only one or two parallel storylines. Maybe a side villain or unsuspecting person is acting or suffering interference of the main plotline. And how or when this connects to the main plot it's up to you.

<em>Style and Conventions: describe the emotions, feelings, the places and events and how your characters react to them in the most concise way. You don't need a lot of words to say that a character is feeling cold and that it makes him/her remember of another time or simply makes them miserable, for example.</em>

It's asked of you that the conclusion provides a reflection or resolution, so this is the time for the mystery to be revealed, tragedy to be stopped or love to reach its peak. Maybe you'd want to write how the characters of the story are affected by the closing of the conflict.



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