I don’t know what book your talking about.
I think that this is a very good opening paragraph. I can clearly tell exactly what your writing piece will be about, and it definitely hooks me in as a reader... GOOD JOB!
Google steps of writing an essay and it will give you this:
<span>Pick a topic
Prepare an outline or diagram of your ideas
Write your thesis statement
Write the body
Write the introduction
Write the conclusion
<span>Add the finishing touches.</span></span>
