Question

So I wrote this Essay for one of the topics my teacher told me to write about I am asking for any tips on this writing piece that will help me get a better grade.
Should schools get rid of summer vacation?
Having summer vacation is very important because it’s the time where kids get a chance to build, learn and create new opportunities for themselves. It gives kids a time to figure out what they would like to do or accomplish during their break from school, weather if it’s going to a summer camp, applying for a more offer able school, or if they just want to sit back relax and enjoy their free time. It’s Giving the them an opportunity to meet new people and make new friends outside of school. Summer vacation should not be taken away because kids also need to develop more social skills, interact with family, and have more relaxation time.
A great reason to why schools should not get rid of summer vacations is because it gives children a chance to choose a sport and being on a sport team is the best way to develop social skills outside of school. It teaches kids to cooperate more physically with one another, to be less selfish, and also to get more of a chance to listen to other kids’ ideas. A sport is one of the best ways for kids to build confidence as a working team. Social skills outside of school is really good because it gives them time to find their sense of belonging.
Another reason to why Having summer vacation is important is because spending time with family builds a better relationship between one another. Also gives the parents a chance to teach their children to build self-esteem through specific skills, and helps the children get a strong perspective of their parent’s way of life. Spending time with family is an amazing thing in this world to be able to do because not a lot of kids have the ability to do so.
One last reason why Summer vacation should not be taken away from students is because summer time is the time when kids can walk out the door to a 3-month relaxing vacation. Mental relaxation is very important because it allows students to prepare for the upcoming year. It doesn’t just give you time to relax from work it also gives you more time to sleep in and get reenergized. Kids need more relaxation time and to not work 24 hours a day on school.
Schools should not get rid of summer vacations because kids need time way from school to work on other skills and also to have a fresh mindset for the new year. There are many kids out in the world who deserve to have a mental break from school. A summer vacation is like an award for children to show that they made it to the next level of achievement and now they have to take the time to set a different mindset for themselves and get prepared for the next journey that awaits.

Answer 1

Answer:

I'll just put everything in the explanation (Lovely essay by the way).

Explanation:

1) "...whether it’s going to a summer..."

2) "...applying for a more affordable school..."

3) "Another great reason..."

4) "... a chance to choose a sport and being on a sport team is the best way to develop social skills outside of school." instead could be "because it gives children the opportunity to participate in a sport. Participating in a sport can greatly increase a child's social skills, and can give them an activity to do other than video games, the best of both worlds!"

5) "It teaches kids to cooperate more physically with one another, to be less selfish, and also to get more of a chance to listen to other kids’ ideas." could instead be " This teaches kids to cooperate on a more physical scale, reduce selfishness, and learn to work as a team."

6) "Social skills outside of school are great because it gives them time to find their sense of belonging."

7) "To further expand..."

Answer 2

This is an amazing essay