Question

Can someone revise this paragraph'

Answer 1

For improving your paragraph learning you should read it about 5 times than try to explain it to your self in the most easy words you find.Try to only learn the important pints.

It helps me alot .hope it helps you to

Answer 2

Answer:

Within minutes, the matter and food that fuels the protagonists are both helpers that made a difference in the world with their thinking skills. The groups also took their own free time to help people heat up their homes and donate phones. The difference between the two hero groups is that one group worked to heat up homes with leftover oil. The other group also worked very hard to donate over 180 million minutes to soldiers!

Explanation:

I improved the paragraph by adding commas where much needed pauses are needed, as well as adding adverbs.

Much of the paragraph is missing important pauses, causing it to feel rushed. In other words, it's important that your readers wouldn't be running out of breath reading your story. I also just changed  phrase that seemed to stick out a bit.

I changed "activity time", being changed to just "free time", as "free time is far more commonly used to describe one's own time for their own activities.

I also changed "in" to "within" as it is generally best in novels to have more, long or intricate words in novels. It makes papers seem more professional.

Finally, I fixed some spelling errors like a missing space after "Phones.", and changing the "2" to a "two" as any number under ten should always be spelled out (if the number is 10 or over then it's optional).