The to in the first sentence should be changed to TOO. Remove the second sentence. Start the third sentence with FIRST OF ALL, instead of first off remember to add a comma after first of all. For the fourth sentence instead write, One of the biggest online dangers are hackers. For the fifth sentence remove in this case, instead write a hacker is someone with evil intentions that illegally accesses someones device and steals or exposes their private information. For the sixth sentence remove it it is extra info that does not need to be there. For the seventh sentence remove anyways, instead start off the sentence by saying, When a hacker gains access to your device, they can watch your every move by hacking into your camera, steal and sell your information, or even steal your identity! For the eight sentence, instead write this sentence, You are probably more than scared right now, so next time you put your personal information into a suspicious website think about the consequences it may have ! For the ninth sentence remove it and instead write, With all this in mind, you may be wondering what should I do know? After you have added that sentence I suggest you remove the rest of the sentences you wrote since they are quite repetitive so instead just write the following. Some steps to take to keep you and your family safe from the evil dangers of the internet are to install an antivirus program, constantly renewing your passwords, and making sure that you or your family are not accessing any illegal websites.
