I can give a minute-by-minute summary of the local Hawaiian news.
I believe we have here an example of situational irony.
Irony is found in the contrast between expected outcomes and what actually happens. The narrator wanted to spend the time on the beach, not in the hotel room watching local TV. However, the reality was such that now the narrator "can give a minute-by-minute summary of the local Hawaiian news".
That's why I think this particular sentence matches the style of the passage.
