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anzhelika [568]
3 years ago
5

JUST READ MY 2 PARAGRAPHS AND GIVE FEEDBACK. ALL I NEED IS PROOFREADING.

English
2 answers:
zimovet [89]3 years ago
8 0
Looks great! Awesome job
olga_2 [115]3 years ago
7 0

The introduction sentence isn’t very clear. But it should go something like this “The setting of the novel Fahrenheit 451 is set on a Utopian society in which Guy Montag lives”. The second sentence is pretty good and simple. The 3rd could use more description “Guy is a firefighter who is responsible for the burning of every book (What book? What does it talk about? Why does he have to burn it?) and also the houses of individuals who keep these books with them. Also put a ; on “...things are with his job; his neighbor...”

In the first paragraph I’d be best if the first 6 sentences belong to the first paragraph and the rest you use it for the 2nd paragraph and start with “Montag decides to quit his job with firm determination” As for the 2nd paragraph eliminate the transition “To start” and use something else. Also, it’s very nice just fix the grammatical errors like tv family and put “family TV” and something confuses me: Do people really ride jet cars on the streets? Or do they ride the jet cars on the skies? I think I’d be nice if you clarified this. Also, use more quotes in paragraph 2, it’s nice but you only used one to prove your veracity.

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2. Lincoln here identifies as the commander-in-chief to clearly state that he is in charge and he is making this proclamation with the full power vested in him by the constitution. He is also doing that with the aim of restoring the public spirit and showing people that everything is under control by being the pillar of stability. He with the power vested in him will appeal to congress and ask for the abolishment of slavery in all the states that are in open rebellion against the United States. That can be seen in this passage: 
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<em>That the executive will, on the first day of January aforesaid, by proclamation, designate the States, and part of States, if any, in which the people thereof respectively, shall then be in rebellion against the United States</em></span><em> </em>
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