No, you’re not a bad person. Many of the symptoms you listed are symptoms of BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder)
It can only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist and you would possibly benefit from medication and therapy…if it is BPD, there are definitely ways to treat it and the best part is that after just a little treatment, most people will see an improvement in their symptoms and their self image overall. The sooner you get to a psychiatrist and get tested, the sooner you will know what you’re facing and develop a treatment plan with your doctor….and give yourself a little kindness and love. Don’t automatically believe what you’re experiencing are character flaws as opposed to reasons to seek medical attention.
Social welfare for those in need because of financial constraints out of their control.
